Today’s Mandala Message: Saying “No” is a form of Self Care
This week I’m working through Principles #42 and #43 from Jack Canfield’s “The Success Principles” entitled “Just Say No!” and “Say No to the Good so That you Can Say Yes to the Great” respectively. I set my intention today to ponder the idea that I’m saying “no” FOR me versus being AGAINST you. Canfield states that “One response that I have found helpful in saying no to crisis appeals or time-robbing requests from people is ‘It’s not against you; it’s for me.”
He raises a valid point and a different take on saying “no”. In future when I want to say “no”, I can make sure to clarify that it’s about me and not about being against them. That being said, we’re not required to justify our “no” or feel like we have to explain it…technically, a simple “no” reply is enough of a response.
If you happened to be pressed for the “why”, you have the option to do so. I have found though that if I do explain the “no”, even when it’s about me, the other person tends to use that information to manipulate me or guilt me into saying yes. That especially happens when I’m trying to be polite so as to not hurt their feelings…but if they keep pushing, I will finally give in and tell them the truth.
Another approach…I witnessed an amazing exchange once where person A asked of person B if they were coming to a particular event. Person B relied with just “no”. Person A then asked “well, why not?”, to which person B brilliantly (imho) replied with “because I don’t want to”. How can you argue with or manipulate that? This is now my goto approach to the “why not” question…of course I’ll do it in as polite a manner as I possible can.
A good mindfulness practice would be to consider that saying no is actually self care.
So how about you? Do you often say yes because you’re afraid the other person will think you’re against them or their request? Do you say yes out of guilt? Do you feel like you have to justify your no?
“You can be a good person
— Lori Deschene
with a kind heart
and still say no.”
Blessings,
Maureen
The Mandala Lady
All Things Mandalas
An Invitation
I invite you to color along with me this year as part of what I’m calling “The Year of Self-Exploration and Expansion” with all of my “Mandalas of the ___” (day, week, month, year). If you’re interested in more of a self-exploration approach to coloring, check out my “Coloring Mandalas as Meditation”. You can download this mandala at MandalaoftheWeek.com.
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