Mellowness
“a state, atmosphere, or mood of ease and gentle relaxation”
Hoo-boy, could I use more of this. I’m mostly in a state of hyper-vigilance and high anxiety…it’s a holdover from a volatile childhood environment. Seven decades later and it still haunts me…and yes, I know, it’s up to me to “get over it”. The “it” is the limiting belief that I’m not safe…even though my life, compared to most others, is quite safe.
So how do I re-wire my neuro-pathways such that I’m not startled every time my husband of almost 34 years walks into a room I’m in? I know many options: deep breathing, meditation, walks in nature, EFT, calming music, and so on. I know all this…intellectually…yet a part of me feels like I’m just putting whipped cream over a plate of liver and onions hoping that THAT will make it more appealing to me. (No offense intended to those of you who love liver and onions).
As luck/coincidence/synchronicity would have it, earlier this morning I just happened to read today’s daily email from the New Life Foundation based on the late Vernon Howard’s writings and lectures. The subject line stated: “Man is Self-Divided”. I’m sharing it’s message with you today because I need to see it and read it again. (I edited it to be more inclusive).
“[Everyone] yearns to get rid of [their] pains and yet loves [their] pains for they makeANewLife.org
[them] the centre of [their] own attention. [They] seek help in finding [themselves] and
yet reject help because [their] vanity will not admit [their] misery. [They] want to
succeed in public affairs and yet do not want to succeed for [they] dimly
sense the emptiness of public praise.
[Their] agonizing contradictions are the result of [their] dualism, of [their] inner
split. In other words, there are two opposing forces within [them], one
dominating [them] one moment and the other taking [them] over the next moment.
These forces cease to act as _opposing_ forces when [they] stop choosing one
side against another. For example, when fully realizing the folly of human
praise [they] no longer choose it, and is therefore free from the anxiety of
not hearing applause."
Upon reading this today, I had an aha moment. I recognized this dualism in me. Part of me feels unsafe and another part of me knows what it needs to do in order to feel “safe”. I can see them now as opposing forces. So the “folly” I can realize is: the reality is no one is truly safe…no one gets out of here alive. Also, safety is an outside concept…it has to do with things happening from the outside.
What I really want is to feel secure…secure in knowing that I can handle it … whatever “it” is. Security is an inside job. That’s where I need to put my focus. Heck I’ve made it this far in life…I’ve obviously handled everything to some degree up until now. Once I realize that I’m secure within myself I no longer have to choose “hyper-vigilance”…therefore I can be free of the anxiety of something bad happening or me being in trouble for something I did or didn’t do. Thus creating “a state of ease and gentle relaxation” for myself. That’s what I need to work on.
Here’s a mantra/affirmation I can use: “I am secure in knowing that I can handle whatever comes my way”.
If you’ve made it this far, I thank you for hanging in there. This post was a bit longer than usual.
So how about you? Is mellowness a core value for you?
BTW…here’s what it looked like before…
joyfully,
Maureen
The Mandala Lady
inspiring and encouraging creativity, curiosity, and play through the art of mandalas
About the 2024 Mandalas of the Day
Each day I will create and post a mandala inspired by one of 366 “value” words chosen randomly. The objective being to discover for myself which ones would best represent my core values…and by doing so, I hope it inspires you to determine your own.
Mandala of the Day 