This one is personal. I decided that rather than keep trying to lose weight to no avail, how about asking my body, my fat why it wants to stay. With that intention I created this Doodle Mandala.
My progress for today:
[Select an image for a larger view]
The more I painted this one the more I started recognizing some subtle yet powerful anger and resentment issues related to fat, food, and having/being enough. A year and a half ago I had reached my goal weight and maintained it for almost a year. Then it slowly slipped away, with me thinking “oh I’ll get back on track tomorrow and it will be good again.” Well it got way out of hand.
I realized how proud I was to have reached my goal and yet another behind-the-scenes part of me said “that’s not how we roll.” I find that now I’m beating myself up about it. And rather than being proud of myself, I’m disappointed in myself.
Before adding the white lines, though, I let this painting sit for a couple of hours without knowing what exactly I was going to do with the white. When I sat down to it, I felt like it needed wavy lines. And after a few wavy lines, it needed spirals. It’s almost as if the white lines represented the energy healing of a reiki session.
The whole time adding the white lines, it felt like I was re-writing my story. That I can be proud of myself regardless of my body size. So for now, I’m just going to let that sink in for a bit and allow myself to be okay with myself just the way I am.
Read more about Doodle Mandalas.
About the Mandalas of the Day: