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Lesson 196: ”It can be but myself I crucify.”

Reframe: I am responsible for my own suffering through resistance.

Suggested Practice:

From the Introduction to Lessons 181-200:

”Our next few lessons make a special point of firming up your willingness to make your weak commitment strong; your scattered goals blend into one intent. ²You are not asked for total dedication all the time as yet. ³But you are asked to practice now in order to attain the sense of peace such unified commitment will bestow, if only intermittently. … And so we start our journey beyond words by concentrating first on what impedes your progress still. …⁴So we now attempt to go past all defenses for a little while each day. ⁵No more than this is asked, because no more than this is needed. ⁶It will be enough to guarantee the rest will come.”

Do two 15-minutes practices today.

Ponder what this means to you during the practices:

”Today’s idea is one step we take in leading us from bondage to the state of perfect freedom. ²Let us take this step today, that we may quickly go the way salvation shows us, taking every step in its appointed sequence, as the mind relinquishes its burdens one by one. ³It is not time we need for this. ⁴It is but willingness. ⁵For what would seem to need a thousand years can easily be done in just one instant by the grace of God.”

“The dreary, hopeless thought that you can make attacks on others and escape yourself has nailed you to the cross.²Perhaps it seemed to be salvation. ³Yet it merely stood for the belief the fear of God is real. ⁴And what is that but hell?⁵Who could believe his Father is his deadly enemy, separate from him, and waiting to destroy his life and blot him from the universe, without the fear of hell upon his heart?”

“Such is the form of madness you believe, if you accept the fearful thought you can attack another and be free yourself.” (ACIM, W-196.4:1–6:1)

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Message

This Lesson threw me off a bit. Had it just focused on the idea that my thoughts cause my suffering, I would have been content with that. It’s simple. I get it. If I have a fearful or angry thought, I’m the one who suffers from it. Sure, others may suffer if I act on that thought, but primarily it’s me. I started it when I took that thought as truth.

But the Lesson took it a step further: my attacks mean that I believe—on some level—that I am separate from everyone else, which means I’m also separate from God. If I believed that we are all connected in the light of God—as the Course teaches—I would see that light in others and know that any attack thoughts come from the ego and therefore are not real. Okay. I understand what they’re trying to say. This is easier to grasp in a peaceful moment and a bit more challenging in the midst of a situation where I would normally react instead of respond.

Did the Lesson stop there? No. It went further with its final concept: my attacks are because I fear God. That’s quite a leap.

Granted, I grew up in a strict religious environment where the “fear of God” was instilled in us at an early age. We were told we came into this world with original sin. The threat of God’s judgment hung over our heads and was used to control us.

So this “fear of God” thing seemed like a stretch at first, but after pondering it, here’s what I think they mean: we have an attack thought → we act on it, believing in separation → guilt sets in because we fear God’s retribution. At least, that’s how it looks from the ego’s perspective.

The reality is, there is no separation, no sin, no guilt, and no retribution. We’re the ones making all that up—or rather, the ego is. And as long as we side with the ego, we will suffer and crucify ourselves.

I admit, I don’t fully grasp how attack thoughts lead to fearing God, but I’m willing to explore it further. Here’s the thing: we’re barely halfway through the Course. In a couple of lessons, we’ll be reviewing the last twenty, including this one. So it’s okay if I—and you—haven’t quite figured this one out just yet.

In God’s eyes, we are whole and complete just as we are, right where we are on this journey.

“Lesson 196…tells me that clinging to what I know, believing it’s possible to be attacked and therefore justifying my attack on others, locks out the world’s largesse, along with the drafts and the giraffes.”
— “The Course in Miracles Experiment” by Pam Grout

Blessings & Peace,

Maureen,
The Mandala Lady

transforming soul whispers into mandalas & channeled messages
for clarity, peace, and joy

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